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Divorce - Here Are the 15 Mistakes to Avoid

Divorce: Here Are the 15 Mistakes to Avoid

What Mistakes Should You Avoid During a Divorce Proceeding?

One day, everything is fine. You love each other and are happy. But the next day, everything changes. Negative feelings arise, and all you feel towards your partner is resentment. Love has disappeared, and arguments multiply. Clearly, you are on the brink. So, you do your best to save your relationship. You list the mistakes you’ve made and try to fix them. You also seek advice from a therapist, but nothing works! Reconciliation is no longer possible, and now divorce is inevitable. Before embarking on the process, ask yourself if you fall into any of the following cases:

  • Boredom
  • Unsatisfactory sex life
  • Broken communication
  • Poor health

If you recognize yourself in these cases, know that you won’t make a mistake if you try to save your marriage. Indeed, these situations are entirely normal, and if you still love each other, you can work things out. However, if you find yourself in the following situations, you should seek a divorce:

  • Infidelity
  • Abuse
  • Lack of love
  • Addiction to gambling, alcohol, or drugs
  • No help in raising children
  • Financial problems

Sometimes, fighting to save your relationship is a mistake. It’s better to admit that everything is over to speed up the divorce. This will help you be happier and start experiencing beautiful things.

Divorce: Mistakes to Avoid

  1. Hoping to Save the Marriage: Hope dies last, doesn’t it? If your marriage is broken, don’t postpone your decision. By fervently hoping your partner will come back to you, you continue to live in constant tension. True to the motto “it’s better a terrible end than endless terror,” you must rip off the band-aid all at once or bit by bit. Do you really believe you can continue your marriage if you have irreconcilable differences? Any attempt at short-term reconciliation hampers the inevitable separation.
  2. Seeking Revenge on Your Partner: Unless the breakup was initiated by you, feelings of anger, jealousy, and vengeance are possible. You don’t have to suppress your feelings, after all, you can sometimes let negative feelings out. However, this stops when you want to harm another person with your actions. An act of revenge is not only childish but depending on its extent, it can have serious consequences. Remember that the gratification of an impulsive action is temporary. You will feel better in the long run if you don’t give in to your negative feelings and instead keep a cool head.
  3. Starting a War of Roses: The result of overflowing emotions is the war of roses in court. A matter we often hear about celebrities in the entertainment industry. But even among non-celebrities, there are always divorces that drag on for years. Every little thing is discussed in detail in court, an unfavorable decision being appealed. Although it is important that you also assert your rights in court, you must be aware of the consequences of a war of roses lasting a year: you spend huge sums of money and only prolong the inevitable. Remember, years of legal disputes are also an emotional burden.
  4. Exploiting Friends: In a longer partnership, a circle of mutual friends often develops over the years. In the event of a divorce, you naturally don’t want to lose your friends. However, don’t pressure your friends to make a decision: “me or him”! Because if you try to use your friends to hurt your ex, it can backfire on you. Your friends may feel used and distance themselves from you. Have confidence that close friends will stand by your side.
  5. Starting a New Romantic Relationship: A new love is wonderful! But don’t rush and especially don’t act for the wrong reasons. If your new partner is just a placeholder, you could hurt yourself (and this new person). A new partner by your side deserves all your attention and is not a means to make your ex jealous. Above all, despite all possible pain, don’t lose faith in love.
  6. Criticizing Your Ex in Front of the Children: Children are often victims of divorce. Destroying the other parent in front of the children always causes lasting damage because you hurt your children in the long run. It doesn’t matter if you tell your children “the truth” because you think it’s important for children to be educated about the “true character” of a spouse. There are certain things that children simply don’t need to know about their parents. Even if it is understandable that you are in a lot of pain. Spare your children new grief, who already suffer from the separation of their parents. Be fair and equitable. Listen to your lawyer. Resist the temptation to say too much. For the sake of the children, it is worth putting aside your own sensitivities.

Divorce: Legal Mistakes to Avoid

How to Avoid Legal Mistakes During Divorce?

When we talk about separation, we are not only talking about the end of love. We are also talking about the end of married life. We are talking about breaking legal ties and obligations. So it is important to consider how to divorce without causing damage. A serious divorce request must be followed by serious action. Here are the legal mistakes to avoid during a divorce.

  1. Continuing the Joint Bank Account: If you or your ex requests divorce, you must quickly close the joint bank account and, if necessary, check and revoke any existing powers of attorney. You should take this measure not only to prevent your partner from stealing money from your account but also to bring clarity to your finances from the start.
  2. Continuing to Live Together in the Joint Marital Apartment: When the divorce has been pronounced, one spouse must leave the joint apartment or house. This avoids many additional confrontations, and if you have children, you should also offer them a retreat where they are not constantly caught up in their parents’ disputes.
  3. False Declaration on the Separation Year: To request divorce in court, the so-called separation year must first be completed. To expedite the divorce, some couples lie about the separation year. They create only one pitfall: if one of the parties reveals to the court about the separation year, it is a reason for the judge to reject the divorce application with expenses. You could face a fraud charge.
  4. Relying on Verbal Promises: From a purely legal point of view, you are allowed to settle questions such as the division of your common movables, the debts of your marriage, and the right of access for your common children verbally. However, you shouldn’t. Ask your partner at least to give you any agreement about these regulations in writing, and it is better to discuss this with your divorce attorney. This way, you avoid later misunderstandings or costly disputes.
  5. Reducing Income: To avoid potentially high maintenance obligations, deliberately reducing your workload will be of no use to you. If this does not happen for operational reasons and if there is a clear intention to discriminate, the court will use your previously earned income as a basis for calculation.
  6. Giving up Pension Rights: If one spouse is financially better off and to potentially speed up the divorce procedure, ex-spouses can generally waive post-marital maintenance. However, you must keep in mind that your private and financial situation can change at any time, and you could become dependent on maintenance in the future.
  7. Instrumentalizing Children: Children and adolescents are generally the ones who suffer when their parents divorce. So don’t just think about your own interests and under no circumstances use your children as mediators between the fronts. It starts with asking your children to bring messages to your ex-husband or to ask him questions about a certain fact.
  8. Missing a Court Date: Regardless of whether you agree or not with the divorce, if the court’s summons on the divorce date is set, you must appear. An unexcused absence delays the divorce (unnecessarily), but it also costs you a heavy fine.
  9. Foregoing Your Own Lawyer: In the case of an amicable divorce, it is sufficient for one of the spouses to appoint a lawyer to represent them in court in the divorce procedure, namely the lawyer who ultimately files the divorce application. As a rule, only applicants are required to have a lawyer before the family court. However, this does not mean that the defendant should not also contact a lawyer. Although the latter does not have to represent him in court, he can inform him extensively about his rights and extrajudicial obligations. Many do not even know what claims there are during a separation, and they thus waive some of their rights.

How to Divorce with Minimal Damage?

Tips for a Smooth Divorce

Now that the decision to divorce has been made, the goal is to minimize emotional and legal damage. Here are some tips to facilitate the process:

  • Communicate openly with your spouse to understand the reasons for the divorce and possibly consider reconciliation.
  • Make sure to keep all personal documents and consult a divorce attorney to guide you.
  • Regulate your finances, clarify child custody issues, and draft a written agreement to avoid future disputes.
  • Take care of your mental health and that of your children by seeking therapeutic support if necessary.

In summary, although divorce is a challenging step, approaching the situation with foresight and respect can help minimize damage and facilitate a smooth transition to a new phase of life.

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